The Accidental Stay at Home Home

How do you Explain Death to a Child?

**“It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more”** – Albus Dumbledore – Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

I knew I wanted to touch on this subject at some point, however, do to the loss of a loved one, I needed to address this subject sooner than I wanted to.

A few days ago in the early morning hours I received a call while tending to my 3 year old, that an uncle had passed away. Immediately, I began to cry and ask the usual questions. How is my Aunt, can I do anything to help, how did it happen, and so on. After I put the phone down, I began to overcome with emotion.

My 3 year old picked up on my mood change instantly and saw me crying. She immediately came over to me and said “Mommy… It’s okay.” and gave me a hug without understanding the reason I was upset. Finally, after a few minutes, I composed myself and wiped my tears. Then I hear her little voice say “Mommy why you crying?”.

Her little question hit me in the chest. I immediately thought, how do I explain this to her? Its complicated, how can I make so she understands? Will she even understand at all? Probably not but she deserves at least an explanation as to what is going on and why the mood in the house is a somber one.

I honestly thought after 10 years of working in social services with children, I had in the bag should this had ever come up but when it actually did and it was my child, it changed it a little bit. I was at a loss for words and paused to regroup myself in order to give her the best possible answer that I could.

No one is ever really sure or ready to explain this topic to their little one.

I picked her up and explained that Mommy is sad because someone special to her died and we cant see them anymore because they went to heaven. She asked why and I tried my best to explain and she seemed settled with my response. But then I thought, how do you explain death to a child? Is there any right or wrong way?

The truth is, there is no wrong way or right way to explain death to a child. You have to use your best knowledge as a parent to address this sensitive issue; especially if it is a very close loved one that they are use to seeing around. Luckily, there are many resources we have at our fingertips that can help us.

There are some excellent books such as the book Here in the Garden, which can be found here; that help explain death in a gentle way by making memories because things to not last. There are also other books about death and dying that you can find on Amazon that can also be a tool in helping to explain.

Speaking to your child’s doctor can also be a tool as they can provide local resources such as the Center for Grieving Children that can be an asset for grief counseling and so on.

All in all, you have to use your best judgement when it comes to explaining these things to your children. There is no best way or wrong way. It is how you see fit to address the situation and get the ball rolling. I hope this helps.

7 Ideas to Start Saving Money Today

Saving money is crucial to everyone not just families and stay at home moms. Its important to plan not only for retirement, but to pay off bills, and other debts. Its also good to save for fun activities and vacations so one does not have to go into debt just to have them. There are simple things you can do daily to help save money for whatever your goal is. Its important to remember that when it comes to saving money you have to have a drive to do it and dedication. Saving large sums does not happen overnight and often takes time to do. However, saving money has great benefits. Below are 7 ways that I save money regularly.

Put Change in a Jar
Every time I break a dollar I save the change in m purse. I never pay exact amounts. At the end of every week, I empty out the change from my purse. Most recently, from all the change I have saved, I have saved enough to pay for half of our family vacation to Canada!

Another thing I like to do is whenever I have an extra dollar or two I also put that in the jar as well. Even this little bit will add up and you can either choose to spend it on something or save it. This method of saving is super easy and over time can really add up. Especially if you pay in cash a lot. Before you know it you will have a large chunk saved up.

Use Cash
If you don’t have the cash for it, don’t buy it. I’m not saying you use cash for everything, but if you want to purchase big items make sure you have cash for it in your account before you charge it. This way you are not overspending your means. You don’t want to put yourself in credit card debt.

During the depression and the years after, many people spent money this way. They only bought what they could afford and what they had the money for. If they didn’t have the money for it they went without. They found other means to substitute for it. Ask yourself when you are in line or about to click checkout, “do I have the money for this and Do I really need this?”

Meal Prep/Plan
Meal planning has really helped my family. Each week I sit down and decide what meals we will eat everyday until the next time I go food shopping. I then construct a list of things needed for each meal and head to the store. I shop only for what is on my list and for what is needed for each meal.

When I get home I do some prepping to save time and for convenience. Then pick what we want to have that morning for dinner. I do it this way because then I feel obligated to make that meal because its ready to go or easy to cook rather than just picking up my phone and ordering through grub hub.

Cut Back on Eating Out
This was a big challenge for us. We use to eat out every weekend. Sometimes multiple times a day. When I looked back on our fiances I couldn’t believe how much we were spending on just going out to eat or ordering in. It was crazy. I started cooking more at home and using my crockpot more often. Then we got to the point where we were not even eating out anymore. We cut it out completely! By doing so this saves us a lot. Close to $250 a month.

I can make something just as yummy in my kitchen as it would be in a restaurant menu. Plus if you have Pinterest you can pin delicious recipes from actual restaurants to cook at home. Its also more fun to get the family involved in making the meal or snack as well. My little loves to help me cook and even bake!

Find Free Activities for Families
If we don’t watch we can end up overspending on activities to do. $10 here and $25 there can really add up. So, what I like to do is search social media and the local newspaper for fun to do. There is almost always some festival or activities outdoors in the summer. You can also make fun on your own. A walk in the local park or even a trip to the local playground or splash park (weather permitting).

We also have a membership to our local zoo. We go quiet frequently which ends up really paying for itself. Plus they are fun activities daily at the zoo that my daughter loves, like story time, the playground, etc…

Another great way to get discounted our even free trips to local museums is to checkout your local library and township. Sometimes local library own passes which you can checkout for a few days and enjoy all the benefits of the membership. Some townships also offer discounted tickets to different amusements as well.

Buy Second Hand/ Consignment/ Shop Clearance
I go to many of the consignment events for clothes for my daughter. It is a great way to save money. Kids clothes can get very expensive and they are only in them for a season and they grow out quickly. This isn’t to say I never buy new clothes for her because i do buy her a couple new outfits and new shoes for her.

I also get some of my clothes second hand or consignment. A lot of times the consignment shops sell clothes with tags still on them! Its worth a look if you have one near you and there is no shame is saving some money especially if you can’t tell the difference whether it is second hand or brand new.

If you shop for new clothes, checkout the clearance racks. I love clearance racks because there are also cute clothes for every season at half the price or greatly discounted. It is definitely worth a look each time you go into Target or Carters or wherever.

Sell Items You No Longer Use
This is one of my favorite things to do. Sometimes, I save the money I make while other times the Little and I use it for extra fun activities. What better way to make and save money by selling things in your home that you no longer use. This is a great way to clear out clutter and make sum extra cash to save!

All in all, saving money can sometimes be hard. But with these few ideas it will get you will on your way. When you get into a grove of saving and look over your budget then you will be able to create more areas where you can save. Just remember everyone has to start some where. So, why not start small and grow?

Anxiety and Depression: Learning to Cope.

“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” -Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

This topic is something I wanted to address first when I decided to write my blog. Its a topic that is close to me because I myself suffer from both of these mental disorders and have been coping and learning to deal for some time now. It took me a long time to learn that there is no shame in getting help or just talking about it. If you or someone you know needs someone to talk to or help You can get help by calling your doctor, 911 or the suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255).

After I had my baby I began to sink into a deep depression and a long with it developed anxiety. I didn’t always have this as it seemingly developed over time. It began shortly after I had to return to work and put my baby in daycare. Then slowly grew into a dark place. I felt like I wasn’t giving it my all to be a mother, a wife or a good employee and it took me many weeks and months to reach out and get help. In the many days of my depression I had to find ways to cope to help deal and treat otherwise it would get the best of me and my daughter deserves the best me I can give her.

Learning to cope was hard. I had to find what worked best for me and work with my doctors closely. I attended therapy and even went on medication. Further more, I even cut working down to part time which eventually led to me being laid off and becoming an “accidental” stay at home mom. Ultimately, this ended up being the best decision for me.

While going through all this I developed an amazing support system of friends and family as well as techniques like the ones below.

Breathe.
When anxiety got be too much, I had to remind myself to breathe. To take a deep breathe to try an calm myself. This really helped me since sometimes I would get so overwhelmed that I would start to have trouble breathing Sometimes just reminding myself to do this would help calm me. Now, I am not saying this will take it away completely, but it really helps settle you some what.

Focus on the Positive
I know when you are depressed or even have anxiety finding the positive can be really hard. But you really have to look deep and try. I focused on the positive, on my little, and being a good wife an mother. This helped me tremendously and helped me to be able to wade through the difficulties of depression and anxiety.

Talk.
Talking to anyone about your feelings can be liberating. Whether it is your spouse, therapist, friend, mother or cousin. It doesn’t matter. Talking and finding that support system will help you a lot and really provide that support you need in these dark times. Your support system will help you to find the light and talk you through the most difficult.

When it comes to these mental illnesses there should be no stigma attached and there should be no shame in getting help or reaching out to someone. You don’t need to do it a lone there is so much support out there you just have to extend the hand and reach back. Call a doctor, therapist or even a friend because no one should have to do this alone.

6 Ways I Stay an Organized Mom

I researched and even read many other blog posts to figure out what works to be a organized SAHM. I even tried many things as well but if there is one sure thing that I learned on the journey it was that you really have to find what works for you and your little monkeys. in this post I will outline what really works for me and hopefully you will be able to take a few and incorporate them into your daily life.

Have a routine
This is what helps me the most and even my toddler. In the morning my toddler knows that she has to come to our room and wake us up if we are sleeping or find myself or my husband. She knows that we eat breakfast first before we start our day. She knows at night time that there is a routine that leads up to her going to sleep at 800pm.
Having a simple routine keeps the question of what needs to be done first thing and last thing and helps keep things flowing. It also keeps mornings are evenings organized. Everyone knows what to expect and it sets a tone in the morning and causes little stress for a peaceful evening.

Have a Weekly Schedule
I like treating my time as a stay at home mom and a work week then on the weekend its more of Team time. So weekly Monkey and I have a daily schedule. Schedules may not work for everyone but having one in place really helps me get things done.
Keep in mind that not everyday things stick to a strict schedule. Things change and things happen. But generally it stays close to what the schedule is. Also, from time to time we alter it as well to better fit our needs. I.E. our schedules are different with each season.

Keep a To Do List.
Each week i do a bit of mind dumping on what I need/want to get done that week and then organize it into a To Do List. Then each day I set a goal of completing at least 4 to 5 tasks on it. This has worked really well for me and sometimes if I want to get more than the usual done I set a timer for 15 mins and do things on a 15 minute rotation to ensure getting more done. After the week is over usually I have a large chunk completed or crossed out on my weekly To Do List.
To keep things simple and easy to access I use these note pads which can be found on Amazon. I like that I can see an actual list and then when I get to cross something off, I feel very accomplished. Sometimes I even get a little fancy and use colored highlighters to cross things out as well.

Keep a Calendar or Planner or Both!
Having a planner is essential in my life. If I don’t have this tool then keeping the three of us in line and on time would be very difficult. And… If you are anything like me; then you also need to physically see what is going on each day as well as on a weekly basis.
I currently use Google Calendar. Its easy to use and you can integrate your significant others or anyone important who has a Google calendar with yours. My husband can add engagements and invite me and I can do the same. You can organize by color and even get directions to places if you put in the meeting. If you haven’t tried this out, then I highly recommend that you consider it as it is an amazing tool to have. Especially if you are tech savvy and like having your calendar on your phone.
I also like to keep a paper weekly planner so I can see in writing what is planned. There are many amazing planners out there to like Erin Condren, Blue mountain, and even making your own via bullet journaling are all good choices.

Here is a quick look at my Monthly Calendar.

Momma Binder (or book) or Organizer
Some might call this bullet journaling but I just like to keep a central list of things in one place. I happen to use a composition book where I write, draw and doodle things like Meals for rotation, Master To Do List, Important and Emergency Numbers, etc… I like having some things in one location so I don’t have to double think about everything. For example, when I am planning our weekly meals, its just so easy to refer to my meal rotation list in my book and pick the meals out I want to cook that week. I also use it to keep inventory of my little’s clothes and things we need to buy and such.

Meal Prep and/or Meal Planning
This is something I do every week. I sit down and plan out what will be served for breakfast, lunch and dinner for everyone. Then I write out of grocery list. Some weekends I meal prep breakfast and cut up veggies to save time during the week and make everything easier. I feel like this one thing I need to do to feel organized.

All in all, when you are developing and organization system for your life and household no one person can tell you how to do it. You have to want to be organized and then find a system that works for you. What works well for my family may not work for yours. So do a little research, tweak things and come up with a plan that you can set in motion and keep in motion.

What are some ways you stay organized in your home?

Creating a Realistic Schedule

Every stay at home mom wants to believe they have a schedule that works with unrealistic expectations. I know that I have thought this way and have even tried to implement them. The fact of the matter is realistically we can’t always stay on schedule. Things happen, Life Happens and we deviate from the schedule and sometimes we don’t even follow one at all. On a normal day, the little human and I try to stick to a schedule. Below is what ours looks like. Keep in mind that although this schedule works for us, it will not work for everyone. You have to plan and create a schedule of your own and put in your own touches and stick to it in order for it to work. Also, keep in mind that I do not have a usualy schedule for the weekend. That my daily schedule usually only covers Mon-Fri. I do it this way because on the weekend the husband is home and unless we have something big planned we kind of just see how our day goes while adding in the fun and activities.

615-630 AM– Wake up (this is where the little comes in our room and climbs in bed with us while we all try to wake up and start our day.)

700 AM – Eat breakfast and watch a movie. (after breakfast and we clean up, this is the time we usually snuggle while we watch a movie.)

730 AM– Independent play (the little plays with an educational toy or reads her books while I have straighten up the kitchen and prep for dinner. )

800 AM– We get dressed, showered and bathed and well as brush our hair and get ready for our day. The little also does a Learning Activity when I am getting ready.

900 AM– We get ready for an outing. (its important to get out of the house at least 3 to four days a week when you are a stay at home mom. In our house we usually try to get out at least for an hour or too. Our outings include, visits to the playground, splash park, zoo, story times at the library or Barnes and Noble,errands, playdates, etc…). Anyone of our outing can last the whole morning or just a few hours depending on how things go that day.

1130 AM– Lunch Time

1200 PM– Clean up lunch. ( I like to get the little involved in cleaning up her toys and her lunch before we get ready for nap time. )

1215 PM– We turn the lights down or out, put on a favorite movie and snuggle on the couch with a blanket together.

100 PM– Nap Time!! Glorious nap time!! 🙂 This is the time where I can get in a little nap and get things down around the house. I usually catch up on some laundry and sweep and change the sheets during this time. I also try to work on the blog and make bows as well. While the little is sleeping I really try to make a big dent in what needs to be done for the week.

345 PM– Wake up from nap and Snack Time. I usually fold laundry during this time. The little likes to watch a show while she eats her snack.

430 PM– Independent play and learning exercise time. During this time the Little practices going over a few things in her school work book and playing with her toys. While she is doing this I usually start to get dinner ready if we aren’t having a crockpot meal. I also try to do a 10 min clean up before daddy gets home.

545 PM– The husband usually comes home and craziness starts here.

600 PM– Dinner

645 PM– Play time

730 PM– Movie with family and play time with daddy. This is where I usually try to straighten up a bit and get ready for the next day.

800 PM– Bed time for the little and adult time for us.

1000 PM– Bed time for all of us.

Some days its to easy to stay on track while other days staying on our routine or schedule is very complex. But having this in place and knowing what to do next is quite comforting.